I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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