apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
