They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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