Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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