we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
