We got so high we made milksteak
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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