i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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