we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
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Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
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If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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