If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
