I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
