sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
