I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
