Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
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We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
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I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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