oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
