Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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