Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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