She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
