does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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