What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
