She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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