it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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