I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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