I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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