The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
