We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
