So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
