Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
