Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
