my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
