Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
