Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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