turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
