i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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