I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
