38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Pants are for mortals
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
