Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
