I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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