Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
