Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
