So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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