I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
