Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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