dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
