ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
