Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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