census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
