I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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