When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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