We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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