I can tuck mytits in my pants
Do vagina's smell?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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