I'm pants shitting drunk right now
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
