Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Drake has all the answers
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