peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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