i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
