I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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