my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
