So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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