My brain says no but my pants say off.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
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Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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