if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
