I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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