Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
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Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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