Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
