this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
