some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
