I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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