Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
