Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
