I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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