So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
