At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
