i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
