I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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