ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
