woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
