I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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