i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
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Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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