Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize