doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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