I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
