the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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