dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
