Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
