I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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