Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
