He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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