Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Someone signed my nipple.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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