fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
